Having It All?
“His/her life seems picture-perfect. Good looks, great fortunes, social life, romance — they all seem to fall into place. Many wish to have his/her life…”
You’ve already read/heard/watched stories with similar plots like this. The protagonist sounds flawless. Everybody wants to be (like) them. They cause such envy.
Is it really true? Is there anyone in the world who really has it all — or is it just our insecurity at its best…or worst?
The examples are everywhere. For starters, in some countries, singles are often shamed by those who are married. It’s even worse if they happen to be women. Societal labels are there: old maids, spinsters, leftover women…you name it. Some are fazed by such rudeness, while others seem to not care at all. After all, people are different.
The married ones act like their lives are so much better, some fairytale come true. Deep down, it’s hard to lie — even to themselves. They know it’s not always like what they’d love the world to know and believe.
Besides, some of them silently envy the singles. The singles may have something they no longer do:
Freedom. According to the married ones, the singles must have a lot more of it. Look, they can still go places without having to worry about responsibilities and family to look after. They can still travel alone, try a new career, take up a new hobby or a short course, or even go back to school for higher learning.
Unless you have a supportive, understanding partner or other family members, then you don’t get to have the same luxury as they do. If you somehow feel trapped by too many responsibilities and don’t get enough support or not at all, then that’s probably the resentment over singles are coming from.
However, these people try to cover that up. They try to make the singles feel bad about how they are and what they (seem to) lack. If the tables were turned, it might not be much of a difference. The married ones probably have no idea of the singles’ daily struggles. They’re often accused of being selfish human beings with so much freedom.
You see, they’re probably right — to a point. What they don’t know, some singles may feel pretty lonely too at times. Yes, they seem to have it all. A freedom to choose whatever they want, a more varied social life, a successful career, money, an ample of free time…
Still, they may feel rather lonely and isolated too. They don’t have someone special to share their good and bad moments with. Friends are great, but they usually have less time too once they find someone special and tie the knot with…
Perhaps, these singles are also asked to push aside their personal goals (including marriages) for something else, like looking after their elderly parents first on their own. Maybe they still have younger siblings in school — and they’re the only breadwinners in the family.
Maybe it’s their choice. Whatever their reasons may be, nobody has the right to judge any of them. What works for you may not do so for them.
It’s the same thing with other situations. You’re probably envious of someone you know who seems to be very popular in the crowd. Everybody knows him or her. This is a really beautiful person — possibly inside and out — that many want to be with. They’re successful too — and admired by many.
What you don’t know may surprise you. Like, there’s a lot that they need to sacrifice to be where they are now. Some have to give up a lot of their free time to work harder than ever. Some really have to watch out what they eat, say, and do.
It’s a pressure to (have to) please so many people. Keeping up with your outer appearance is hard work. It feels like there’s no room for flaws and mistakes — which is impossible. Maybe this is their greatest sacrifice to be loved by so many, which is to not fully be themselves. Unlike you, who may be surrounded by people who love you for you — flaws and all.
Having it all? Really? Just like the very wealthy people you often see?
They say money can’t buy everything. However, you disagree. You see them bathe in fortunes, eat from the silver spoon. How can it not do so? They seem to have it all.
Plus, if they break the law and want to get away with murder, they can always bribe. They can easily fall into greed…
…just like you may fall easily into despair, due to the lack of money.
However, you don’t know everything. Perhaps, they silently wonder which ones are their true friends. Maybe they worry that — when all their worldly fortunes go — those people will disappear too.
Meanwhile, at least you still have people who genuinely care about you. They don’t care if you’re rich, poor, or whether you feel pretty or ugly. They’re always there. These are the people who always make you feel good enough.
Even better if they also help you to grow.
There’s a reason why you can’t — and shouldn’t — have it all. That way, we learn to need and trust each other.
Once in a while, you (get to) meet people who can make you feel that you have enough. You really do.
R.
