The Privilege of Having a (Relatively) Sensible Family
May I brag a little? Sorry, I promise that this won’t take much of your space.
Every year, I hear a lot of Indonesians — especially young, single ones — fret about the Eid Mubarak Celebration with their families and relatives. (And some are plus their neighbors too.) I know the feeling. I’ve been there so many times until the day I started putting my foot down on them:
Yes, the personal, intrusive questions — such as these below:
“When will you graduate? Universities are expensive these days. Don’t study too long! Think about your parents.”
“Where’s your boyfriend? What, you’re still single?? You’re already 25. When I was your age … “
“When are you getting married? Why not sooner than that? Trust me, you don’t want to be an old maid!”
“What? No kids yet?? You’ve been married long enough. You should have some — not just one. Your kid needs friends!”
“How long have you been working there? How much do they pay you again?”
“Cousin X has already got a house, a car, and a higher position in that company. How about you?”
“Maybe you haven’t tried hard enough. What have you done so far?”
Trust me, such questions above just ruin everyone’s moods and the true essence of the Eid Mubarak Celebration. Unfortunately, some people are just that petty. They feel the need to brag, showing off what they’ve already got. They need to make everything a competition, which is very sad.
Okay, my turn to brag.
Not My Family
I am happy to report that … my family’s not like that. No, not even the distant relatives. Our Eid Mubarak Celebration was just filled with feasting, talking, exchanging news about each other, praying, and so on.
We were just hanging out. No such questions, no pressures, no comparisons. We generally felt comfortable being around each other that day. We’ve been like that for the past few years.
I don’t know if this has something to do with the fact that we all live in Jakarta. Or the fact that most of us are already busy with our own lives, whether it is work, school, community work, or our kids’ baseball tournaments or stage performances.
Or the fact that — some of us — have been outspoken enough about such harsh demands and judgments when we don’t meet other people’s societal standards.
Or perhaps this is the era most people are beginning to be more understanding and sympathetic. We know that not everyone has the same fate or luck, or whatever you’d like to call it. Nobody wants a divorce or the death of a spouse, but they sometimes still happen anyway.
Either way, I am thankful for this family. Hopefully, other people’s families will maintain the peace of the Eid Mubarak Celebration … either by saying nice things or just guarding their tongues.
Bibi
